Are You Parenting Every Other Weekend?
5 things you can do to bring wholeness and healing to your family.
If your family has suffered through the pain of divorce, we have some good news for you. You can claim victory for your family today.
Having gone through the tears and the drama of divorce ourselves, we know firsthand the pain of a family being broken apart. And like you, we worried about how this brokenness would hurt our children both short term and long term.
There are many studies on how divorce affects kid’s behavior, moods, attitudes, and current and future relationships. Most agree that without helping our kids through a healthy process of dealing with something they didn’t want or create; the emotional scars could be deep.
No one wants divorce or the pain that accompanies it. When any couple gets married they vow, “ ‘til death do us part”. But statistics tell us close to 50% of marriages end in divorce. For every family that gets divorced, 59% of those families will divorce again. The compounding of baggage on baggage makes it even harder to have healthy relationships, especially for our children.
When we ask parents from every form of family if they would prefer that their kids get married once and have biological children, 100% of the parents agree they want that for their children. Why? because they know that getting married, staying married and raising a family together will keep their children from the pain and baggage that comes through brokenness and divorce.
Every marriage involves challenges and problems. Couples will go through storms, but children being raised by both a mom and a dad in a traditional family will be far better off than those who deal with the pain of their parents splitting up.
I started this article stating there is good news for your divorced family. Here are 5 things that can bring wholeness and healing back to your family and help your children heal.
- Brokenness is a state of mind.
Regardless of the form of your family, you’re still a family. Reassure your children they are loved and you are there for them. Listen to them talk about their life, their friends, their successes and their fears. Families were created to love and love abundantly. Become a family that hugs and says I love you each and every day. Even if you feel your kids don’t want your affection, they do. Love them through it.
- Find healthy families and build relationships with them.
Doing life (spending quality time, sharing hearts, being there for each other) with healthy families will give you and your children strength and comfort through positive healthy relationships. It’s important for your kids to see that other families have their struggles but that they are not defined by them. They rise above them and have joyful and peaceful lives.
- Create a vision for your family and live it out.
So many families go through the day to day and toil. Where there is no vision chaos will eventually take over. Your family vision should include goals your family wants to achieve and values you want to live by. Include your children in the process. Get their feedback and soon you will have their participation.
- Find a life giving church and belong.
Many families that have gone through any kind of brokenness begin to isolate and feel ashamed. That is no way to claim victory. Believe that you are already made whole and surround yourselves with others who have found victory in their lives as well. You’re not going to find love, support, and healing from the naysayers; they only want to bring you further down. Surround your family with people who embrace abundant life and live it out. Your children need to see you be victorious.
- You’re still the parent.
Many parents feel like they failed their children and try to become their new best friends and stop parenting. Kids without boundaries and healthy parenting will often find themselves with too much freedom and this can lead to many problems. Drugs, alcohol, teen pregnancy, and pornography are just a few traps awaiting our children. Being an good parent is not about being a perfect parent raising perfect kids, it’s about being intentional parents raising intentional kids. Kids with a purpose in life leads to happy and healthy adults.
Divorce is never the desired outcome for couples choosing to start a family. But, if that is where you find yourself there is still hope and a future for your family. You can choose today to become intentional about taking steps to move your family into healing and wholeness today.